Trial by Trailer: Including…The Rise Of Jordan Peterson

Is this good?
Will this be good?
Every movie trailer answers or challenges those 2 questions. The ham-fisted rebuttal comes swiftly, however: no you don’t need to always see a movie to know it’s tank.

Do you really need to sit through a Michael Bay Transformers movie to know for sure? Tank is Tank. And Fresh…well Fresh is always Fresh. I’m down like I’m Brown for that.

For the week of September 1-7, 2019 I cover:
Mr. Mom: Season 1
Between Two Ferns: The Movie
Escaping the NXIVM Cult
Bad Boys For Life
Gretel & Hansel
The Reliant
The Rise Of Jordan Peterson
Black Christmas
Just Mercy
Hello Privilege: It’s Me, Chelsea
Liam Gallagher: As It Was

Shall we begin?

Mr. Mom: Season 1 (September 3)
So Walmart launched Vudu a new (to you) streaming service and Mr. Mom is one of their first tv shows: comes out September 12! Yes it’s based on the John Hughes-Michael Keaton movie.

Sammy Verdict: Yes I am 100% out. Hard Pass.

Between Two Ferns: The Movie (September 3)
Between Two Ferns…the Netflix movie! Ferns moves from one digital platform to another…that a first? Solid Matthew Mcconaughey zinger to open too…questioning his acting. Funny cos it’s true!

Sammy Verdict: Friday, September 20…I am 100% IN!

Escaping the NXIVM Cult (September 3)
As we’ve seen with R. Kelly if there is a hint of scandal Lifetime is willing to profit off the hurt of others.

Their latest tear funded movie is Escaping the NXIVM Cult. Yup.
You know exactly what they’ll say before they say it. Yup.

Sammy Verdict: I’m escaping all Lifetime movies.

Bad Boys For Life (September 4)
Bad Boys For Life look…you’re either gonna see this or you ain’t. Your feelings, thoughts etc. are all moot. I paid for the first 2…I’m one of the reason$ why it’s up to 3. However a deal breaker: Michael Bay’s absence is sad…but eh; I dunno.

Sammy Verdict: Might see this.

Gretel & Hansel (September 4)
Gretel & Hansel yeah I know. Still looks waaaaay better than everything Disney has ever released; better than Snow White and the Huntsman etc. Follow The Crumbs on January 31, 2020.

Sammy Verdict: I’ll Netflix it first day it drops…

Jexi (September 4)
So Jexi comes out on October 11. I ain’t paying for this.

Sammy Verdict: However when it’s damn cold in January and I can’t go outside and the Sun and all life has been extinguished because…winter than yeah I’ll hit it. Probably laugh too.

The Reliant (September 4)
The Reliant stars Eric Roberts so that tells you about the quality of this movie. But wait!

If you act now they’ll include Brian Bosworth AND…yes and: Kevin Sorbo. Oh No.

Also: angry white men with guns if you wanna buy into that narrative.

Sammy Verdict: Never Gonna Happen My Friend.

The Rise Of Jordan Peterson (September 5)
Awwww yeah! Been waiting for this: a full length Jordan Peterson documentary by Patricia Marcoccia
screening September 26. And please note this is a movie about propaganda (from both the left and the right) not necessary a Jordan Peterson take down. If that’s your sole intent stick to Twitter where you’ll find community. For the rest of us who cherish sober thinking and want to look at issues from multiple angles this is great!

Sammy Verdict: Come on up for the Rising…really enjoyed this documentary!

Black Christmas (September 5)
It’s a Silent Night, Deadly Night in this Christmas horror movie: Black Christmas. Out Friday, December 13 (so how come they’re not releasing the trailer next Friday?!)

Sammy Verdict: I’m In! (And YES this s’a remake of the Canadian slasher from 74. The world needs more Canada?)

Just Mercy (September 5)
Just Mercy is your classic Hollywood civil rights paint by numbers: a Lifetime movie with better production values. The only surprise it offers is Oprah isn’t in it. Playing now at TIFF and it’ll play with your emotions on Christmas Day.

Sammy Verdict: Mercifully I’ll skip this and still lead a great life!

Hello Privilege: It’s Me, Chelsea (September 6)
Was hoping Chelsea Handler was making a white privilege mockumentary. White privilege being a cringey Twitter buzzword. Sigh. Worse? W. Kamau Bell is in this: his “logic” is as predictable as pullstring toy. Eh: Friday The 13th on Netflix.

Sammy Verdict: I’ll give it 15 minutes.

Liam Gallagher: As It Was (September 6)
Some Might Say Don’t Look Back in Anger! Whatever. I hope this documentary is subtitled…Liam Gallagher’s got a case of the Mushmouth. (Do check out the excellent documentary Oasis: Supersonic!!)

Sammy Verdict: I’ll give it 15 minutes.


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