Trial by Trailer: Including…Western Stars

Is this good?
Will this be good?
Every movie trailer answers or challenges those 2 questions. The ham-fisted rebuttal comes swiftly however: no you don’t need to always see a movie to know it’s tank.

Do you really need to sit through a Michael Bay Transformers movie to know for sure? Tank is Tank. And Fresh…well Fresh is always Fresh. I’m down like I’m Brown for that.

For the week of August 18-24 2019 I cover:
The Morning Show
The Politician
Night Hunter
Western Stars
Last Christmas
Hiking With Kevin: Season 3
Corporate Animals
On Becoming A God In Central Florida
Candy Corn
Elite: Season 2
Rambo: Last Blood
Can You Keep A Secret?
I Still Believe

Shall we begin?

Underwater (August 19)
Underwater is as awful as Kristen Stewart’s haircut. Underwater is a sloppy joes ripoff of Jake’s Life just…ummm under water.

Also Leviathan.
& The Abyss.
& Sphere.
& Virus.

Maybe even Alien?

Sammy Verdict: I’m so out!

The Morning Show (August 19)
Apple TV’s The Morning Show comes off like a mixed bag of cliches and Lisa Simpson Tripe. Was hoping for Newsroom intelligence. Figure this’ll play well with Big Little Lies viewers.

Sammy Verdict: Eh…I’ll give it an episode.

The Politician (August 19)
I ah…didn’t even make it through The Politician trailer. Similarly I didn’t make it to the end of Election. These type of “political” movies are just not that engaging.

Sammy Verdict: Netflix September 27…though I vote no.

Night Hunter (August 19)
Night Hunter features Alexandra Daddario AND Minka Kelly so Witness The Fitness!! However it also has characters declaring: “This is not a game!” and demanding “I need more time!” Ugh…yeah.

Sammy Verdict: I’ll probably and shamefully Netflix this.

Western Stars (August 19)
This is…wow. Following his sublime Netflix special of his Broadway show Bruce Springsteen known for his long loud concerts in sports arenas extends his intimacy streak with Western Stars. Yo this is fresh.

Sammy Verdict: Uncomfortable but fresh. So IN!

Hiking With Kevin: Season 3 (August 19)
Hiking With Kevin is up to Season 3?! Never heard of it until today. S’like Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee. Only instead of cars it’s Nikes; instead of coffee it’s fresh air. Same ambient tv though.

Sammy Verdict: I like this…premieres September 5, 2019.

Corporate Animals (August 19)
I can sit through this…super dark comedy: Corporate Animals. With Demi Moore, the brown Deadpool taxi dude…(also weirdly does though Diet Coke commercials!) and Hangover buddy.

Sammy Verdict: September 20! I’m in!

On Becoming A God In Central Florida (August 19)
Oh Oh: Kirsten Dunst is busted down to tv. (To be fair she ain’t done much since Bring It On. Turns out that was a lie…)

Sammy Verdict: On Becoming A God is eh…Danny McBride excels at these crass American send ups but he’s not with this. I dunno.

Candy Corn (August 19)
Candy Corn! Yes I know. “When a group of bullies kill Jacob target during a hazing…Dr. Death resurrects Jacob as an unstoppable killer to seek revenge on those who wronged him.” Yes I know.

Sammy Verdict: VOD on Sept 17th. Tony Todd though…hmmm.

Elite: Season 2 (August 20)
Elite on Netflix returns for a second season if you wanna check out hot Spanish teens with Cruel Intentions (and thankfully none of the hacky Twitter buzzwords employed by HBO’s Europhia!).

Sammy Verdict: September 6…I didn’t watch Season 1.

Rambo: Last Blood (August 20)
Rambo: Last Blood (probably because at his age he’ll need a blood transfusion!). So yeah Rambo is saving his daughter (somebody’s daughter?!) from bad guys. Guns, knives, bow and arrows etc. Isn’t that the plot of Commando?!

Sammy Verdict: While I am Team Ruckus I am not a big Rambo fan. Eh…maybe?

Can You Keep A Secret? (August 20)
Can’t believe Alexandra “Witness The Fitness” Daddario dumped the pantsless guy in Can You Keep A Secret! What’s love got to do with pants when there’s no love for pants: #DownWithPants!!

Sammy Verdict: Can You Keep A Secret? can only be worse if it was sponsored by Secret deodorant. I might airplane this.

Bombshell (August 21)
Bombshell looks endlessly boring because it’s predicable. And worse…this story was just told in recommended The Loudest Voice on Showtime in June (which in turn was based on a bestseller!).

Sammy Verdict: It’s been done. It’s been said. On to the Next One: Zero Interest.

I Still Believe (August 22)
Romance AND a girl with cancer…this is not a drill. We haven’t seen this since what…A Walk to Remember?! Did Nicholas Sparks write this? March 20, 2020: I Still Believe! Of course that’s the tile. Oh this is box office GOLD!

Sammy Verdict: Thankfully I Still Believe they did not make this for me.


Listen to My Summer Lair @ W • T • F

Also published on Medium.

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