Trial by Trailer: including Mindhunter!

Is this good?
Will this be good?
Every movie trailer answers or challenges those 2 questions. The ham-fisted rebuttal comes swiftly, however: no you don’t need to always see a movie to know it’s tank.

Do you really need to sit through a Michael Bay Transformers movie to know for sure? Tank is Tank. And Fresh…well Fresh is always Fresh. I’m down like I’m Brown for that.

For the week of July 28-August 3, 2019 I cover:
Mindhunter Season 2
The Lighthouse
The Hunt
Already Gone

Shall we begin?

Mindhunter Season 2. (July 30)
Mindhunter Season 2! Yo! I got an advent calendar until this begins: August 16 on Netflix. Season 2 continues Charles Manson’s popular resurgence and also…Son of Sam. Oh Yes. How many sleeps until this drops?!

Sammy Verdict: 100% IN!!!

The Lighthouse (July 30)
The Lighthouse is a Crap Carnival. And worse…it’s pretentious. Overrated Robert Pattinson returns with yet another overindulgent and overwrought performance not that he’s capable of like…range or surprise. Talent?

Sammy Verdict: Automatic skip. Not even on Netflix. Hard Pass.

The Hunt (July 30)
Damon Lindelof hacks his version of Battle Royale. You’d think The Hunt would be a documentary about his “Lost” search for like an original idea. This Crap Carnival drops one month before he clumsily recycles The Watchmen.

Sammy Verdict: I will not be a “good sport” and join this Hunt

1917 (August 1)
So…I did not see Passchendaele and I fell asleep trying to endure Dunkirk. They do not make these war movies for me. I wish they saved the plot more than they saved Private Ryan.

Sammy Verdict: 1917 is in cinemas January 2020: I will not be there.

Already Gone (August 1)
Already Gone is like an extra hackey episode of HBO’s Europhia (which is unsalvageable the writing is so bad): a duct taped bundle of predictable Twitter clichés. Meh: least this has Stifler!!

Sammy Verdict: Like the title I am Already Gone. Nope.

Sextuplets (August 2)
Marlon Wayans has quietly become Netflix’s Black Adam Sandler (though not as good! Naked is not gonna cut it.). Still this is an impressive strategy for em…these bets will pay off and pull in viewers.

Sammy Verdict: I’ll watch 15-20 minutes or so of Sextuplets on August 16.


Listen to My Summer Lair @ W • T • F

Also published on Medium.

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