Happy Thanksgiving to you wacky Americans!!!

You’re so weird for having it in November but whatever.

I don’t even get the whole Columbus Day Mattress Sale thing…that connection makes no sense, how does Columbus discovering the Americas equate with mattresses? Only curious, not judging!

Maybe we can get together on Presidents Day and talk about all this…that is, if not you’re buying a car. Again, doesn’t make a lot of sense, I might be missing something…maybe Henry Ford built George Washington a car?

I’m off track…Thanksgiving, in November…be thankful you have national holidays to remind you to buy a car…and a mattress and give thanks. USA! USA! USA!

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Also published on Medium.