10:55 A-Musings (2016)

Good times, good grief! I’m still trucking with these pithy observations…such as they are. Look you didn’t pay cover, so where’s the harm! Missed a 10:55 am observation posted via @mypalsammy never no worries I got you covered like a snuggie:

Monday January 1 2016
In 2016 I want to hire a swagger coach so I can learn to do swaggerific things! #Goals

Monday January 4 2016
“There are things known and things unknown and in between are the tweets.”

Tuesday January 5 2016
incompetence is offensive.

Wednesday January 6 2016
I’m moving up to move on…standing up to stand out.

Thursday January 7 2016
The era of shy is over. Fortune favours the bold.

Friday January 8 2016
Write your own Manifesto: ladies love manifestos. Guys with mottos gets no play.

Monday January 11 2016
Your move…

Tuesday January 12 2016
“Onetwothreefour!” They way this kid counts makes me miss the Ramones.

Wednesday January 13 2016
There’s just no more damn bravery. Everything we do should be so ambitious.

Thursday January 14 2016
I’m only good at being young.

Friday January 15 2016
A moment of silence for all the bad selfies you’ve taken. Let’s be honest…you did it to yourself…

Monday January 18 2016
My Spider-Sense is tingling! Oh wait that’s just my colon…I’ll be back in 20. #HandleMyBusiness

Tuesday January 19 2016
Your focus is your fate.

Wednesday January 20 2016
I bite my nails in public as it instantly creates the illusion my life is edge-of-my-seat-thrilling.

Thursday January 21 2016
God bless America and all their wonderful self-service checkouts.

Friday January 22 2016
Bathed in Drakkar Noir…so excited: I’ll be spending the evening with Stifler’s mom!

Monday January 25 2016
BuzzFeed Article Pitch: 8 Things Your Man Boobs Are Desperately Trying To Tell You.

Tuesday January 26 2016
Know what scares me? If I’m giving a psychic a ride home and she buckles her seatbelt. Think about it (I clearly and sadly did).

Wednesday January 27 2016
In the quilt of life I’m grateful we’re all patched together. #ForrestGumpTweets

Thursday January 28 2016
The More You Know…and Knowing Is Half The Battle. #MyWholeChildhood

Friday January 29 2016
When I say HEY! you say ho! Ready? HEY:

Monday February 1 2016
Your body of work has no spine if your brain doesn’t listen to your gut. #pARTicipACTION

Tuesday February 2 2016
If you use a random piece of bread to soak up leftover sauce on your plate I’ll tell you all the contents of my heart.

Thursday February 4 2016
The warmer temperatures means a less harsh plenty for forgetting to pull up the zipper on my jeans.

Friday February 5 2016 at 10:55am
#Superbowl Weekend PSA: Don’t be so hasty to reach for that third bowl of spicy chili: only you can prevent dutch ovens.

Monday February 8 2016
Made the mistake of asking a couple of ladies in the office who they like more…Tiffany or Debbie Gibson? S’like an 80s Fight Club.

Tuesday February 9 2016
The Mummy’s Curse: Egypt’s ancient version of an STD. #ScaredStraight

Wednesday February 10 2016
For #lent I’m gonna give up your mom! #ClassicsNeverPerish

Thursday February 11 2016
This winter required 2 weather channels: One channel for white people who insist on wearing shorts; and one for the rest of us in coats.

Friday February 12 2016
1 for the fans, 2 for the show, retweet if you got a bank roll!

Monday February 15 2016
Today: 11.22.63 adapted from King’s novel premieres on Hulu. Spoilers: We Didn’t Start the Fire.

Tuesday February 16 2016
Bok choy huh yeah
What is it good for?
Absolutely nothing oh oh
Bok choy huh yeah
What is it good for?
Absolutely nothing say it again y’all

Wednesday February 17 2016
We got #Vinyl (about music execs) and Roadies (concerts)…now is the moment to harness The Rule of 3 and pitch Groupies. #BigMoney

Thursday February 18 2016
The problem with stupid people is that they’re not smart enough to know they are stupid.

Friday February 19 2016
You know it’s time for a new internal memo system when you step outta the shower and suddenly have to poop. Yo…get it together in there.

Monday February 22 2016
Invented a freshtastic new dance move when I twisted my ankle on an uneven sidewalk. #DoTheSammy

Tuesday February 23 2016
5 Second Rule still apply when you’re in a hot tub? #WankTank

Wednesday February 24 2016
Whenever you see a child actually playing with the toy you know he’s an out of the box thinker.

Thursday February 25 2016
Whenever I find myself fitting in I feel like I’ve let #80s movies down.

Friday February 26 2016
Narcissism makes me happy.

Monday February 29 2016
Taco Bell sells onion rings and Burger King is selling hot dogs…the debate for assisted death is heating up! #TakeMyLife

Tuesday March 1 2016
Had my glasses off (cleaning em) when a co-worker walked by: “Hey Sammy!” Man…Lois sucks. #HonestTweet

Wednesday March 2 2016
These snowstorms always mess up the rapper’s SEO. #Alickyboomboomdown

Thursday March 3 2016
“Please” Play Again is so stereotypically Canadian…now I’ve lost and I’m embarrassed.

Friday March 4 2016
When violent diarrhea happens to pacifists…

Monday March 7 2016
In weddings performed in Texas has the vows been accurately altered to speak now or forever hold your piece yet? #DontMessWithTexas

Tuesday March 8 2016
Are gang signs the urban dictionary equivalent for those fluent in American Sign Language?

Wednesday March 9 2016
Cleaning the toilet is a manifestation of my optimism as a single person that I’ll one day find true love. #ModernRomance

Thursday March 10 2016
Blind dates…love is blind…thankfully Tinder is the Braille of modern romance. #ModernRomance

Friday March 11 2016
Still can’t decide if the Piña Colada song is pathetic or prophetic… #ModernRomance

Monday March 14 2016
EZ Home Renovations: You can instantly and swiftly transform any room in your home into a panic room by texting a girl you fancy. #ModernRomance

Tuesday March 15 2016
Babies–with your name and influence–are the the ultimate To Be Continued…cliffhanger.

Wednesday March 16 2016 at 10:55am
It’s 10:55…do you know where your pants are?

Thursday March 17 2016
The scoreboard always talks louder than your hate!

Friday March 18 2016
When pulling clothes outta the dryer I’ll cuddle that one sock hard…it’s so warm and we’re both single….no names; no questions; just ez give and take.

Monday March 21 2016
Happy Birthday #Twitter: 10 years of people yelling “you’re doing it wrong!!” to strangers and celebrities. #HumanPotential

Tuesday March 22 2016
The fine print to whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger is when a toddler touches you with their black plague of death hands.

Wednesday March 23 2016
Twitter is the bumper sticker of social media.

Thursday March 24 2016
Rather than risk the anxiety that I may have left the stove on, I called in sick to work and just stayed home. #SelfCare

Friday March 25 2016
It’s embarrassingly petty to demand an apology from our celebrities. Or bully them into conforming to a juvenile standard of morality.

Monday March 28 2016
Pizza Pizza is the Arby’s of Canadian pizza.

Tuesday March 29 2016
WebMD is like…the worst online game ever. #IGotPolioWhatDidYouGet

Wednesday March 30 2016
If the Avengers were truly Bruce Banner’s friends they’d have bought him a mood ring…

Thursday March 31 2016
No research to prove this yet I suspect many Trump supporters are the same “people” who listen to music on their iphones…without headphones. #OhTheHumanity

Friday April 1 2016
The Positive Power of Sarcastic Thinking #Bestseller

Bonus:Saturday April 2 2016
When a parent is concerned their toddler hasn’t reached certain milestones…it always sounds like they assigned their kid a 5 year plan. #YearlyPerformanceReview

Monday April 4 2016
Never quite as effective as my mother at cooling my hot soup by blowing on it. #GenerationX

Tuesday April 5 201
This month been invited to 3 baby showers! Feels like high school all over again…everybody’s doin it excerpt for me. #FirstBase

Wednesday April 6 2016
Online dating…is not a life hack. #ModernRomance

Thursday April 7 2016
According to Fitbit how many calories can you burn actively using sarcasm? #FeelTheBurn

Friday April 8 2016
When you have to Sophie’s Choice your necessities because not all of them fit neatly into your fanny pack. #ReadyForTheWeekend

Monday April 11 2016
Ever since Canada retired the penny I’ve stopped visiting mall fountains and resorted to online dating to find that Special Someone. #?MagicvScience?

Tuesday April 12 2016
Was suddenly and forcibly plunged into the dark ages when the batteries on my tv remote died. #TheHorror

Wednesday April 13 2016
When a child snatches food off the floor…does that qualify as organic?

Bonus:Wednesday April 13 2016
My Subway Sandwich artist seems to be going through a cubist period.

Wednesday April 27 2016
That awkward feeling when your married friends forget you’re single and say “out there” like it’s a horror movie. #ModernRomance

Saturday April 30 2016
You endure the awkward silence on a date so you can get in a relationship with a girl who when she’s upset with you will give you the silent treatment. #ModernRomance

Friday May 20 2016
If business casual requires pants well than that’s none of my business. #DownWithPants

Saturday May 21 2016
How many dates until you can comfortably start paying with coupons? If the answer isn’t the first date then be yourself is lousy advice. ?#ModernRomance

Tuesday May 24 2016
Confession: I’m not secure enough in my manhood to retreat into the elevator when I’ve stepped out on the incorrect floor. #NoNuts

Wednesday May 25 2016
There’s no Hallmark card for successfully potty training your child so why are you telling me this? #UncleSammy

Thursday May 26 2016
Damn…just discovered I am not special…turns out everybody can prevent forest fires. #Snowflake

Friday May 27 2016
Burning bridges has given me a deeper appreciation for the effective campfire training I received in Boy Scouts. #FireSelfStarter

Friday June 24 2016
Canada will gladly adopt Britons leaving the UK post-#Brexit & Americans fleeing Trump as long as you allow us access to your good Netflixs. #Region2Netflix

Saturday June 25 2016
Dropping gravy on my t-shirt while I eat then scrambling to clean it off before it sets is one of the most Canadian things I do on a consistent basis.

Monday August 8 2016
Chia pet voodoo doll?the very definition of form meets function. #BadDesign

Tuesday August 9 2016
At the art gallery where touching is not permitted at all as everything is a swimsuit area… #ShowMeOnTheDoll

Wednesday August 10 2016
One advantage of being lazy is I never paint myself into a corner. #TeamLazy

Friday August 12 2016
She tells me how she shudders at the thought of an arranged marriage then goes on Tinder to find a date for tonight. #ModernRomance

Tuesday August 16 2016
Crawling out onto busy sidewalks to die make worms the drama queens of the animal kingdom. #UnnaturalSelection

Wednesday August 17 2016
At work and my left leg is asleep. So much envy… #ZZZs

Thursday August 18 2016
At the risk of sounding like my mother I’ll point out Doomsday Scenarios rarely end well.

Friday August 19 2016
Truthfully? When I’m not at rap concerts I wave my hands in the air like I care. I care alot…

Monday August 29 2016
Before bridges what…did everybody just get along?

Tuesday August 30 2016
Does being ticklish count as sensitivity? #ModernRomance

Wednesday August 31 2016
Summer is over: soon we should be getting stats on how many kids who went camping were killed in the woods for smoking weed & having sex.

Monday October 17 2016
A crafty friend was complaining about glitter getting on everything and like a good friend I related my struggles with Cheetos Dust. #BFFs

Tuesday October 18 2016
Karate Kid inspired me to believe in myself…the sequels and remake taught me there’s damn good money in marketing that inspiration. #$$$


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