I figure things out by doing; I’d rather figure out how to swim by jumping into the pool. Like every strategy that comes with advantages and disadvantages. It does mean I work more slowly.

Talking with an Artist recently the penny dropped…I never went to art school; clearly…when I draw something I still have to explain what it is like a small child: it’s a turtle. What do you mean turtles aren’t purple?!

Anyhow:
I realized that these jokey observations I post at 10:55 am on @mypalsammy twitter…I didn’t have to do that everyday! Oh. I got caught up in feeding the machine, the stress of constantly shoveling coal into the furnace to keep the train rolling. Screw that noise.

I also discovered I had to figure out my process…I had a medium and a form but not a process. See I toldya I didn’t go to art school. Look none of that matters to you…you just want the jokes right? Much like my scribbled pictures of purple turtles…yes these are “jokes!!”

Enjoy:
Monday, December 21, 2015
Focused on being focused so I don’t lose focus.

Saturday, December 19, 2015
Always thought “Silent Treatment” was something white people did in sit coms…I didn’t know it’s used in real life. So embarrassing. Also in sit coms…the husband sleeping on the couch…is that real too?! Starting to think many sit com jokes were actually inside jokes.

Friday, December 18, 2015
At the risk of losing my nerd street cred I have a hard time differentiating between having gas and…a disturbance in the Force.

Thursday, December 17, 2015
It’s Dec 17: taste all that luscious gorgeous Sunshine!! This global warming thing is the best thing that’s ever happened to us. #TeamSummer

Wednesday, December 16, 2015
Oxford Dictionaries chose the “Face with Tears” emoji for Word of Year while Merriam-Webster’s word is ism. Language has jumped the shark.

Tuesday, December 15, 2015
Got a wicked hankering for True Romance…the QT movie not the locked eyes connection with a woman: Really it’s all a Mexican standoff. #ModernRomance

Monday, December 14, 2015
Shower Sparked Schemes > Poop Possibilities #BathroomBrainstorms

Bonus: Friday, December 11, 2015
Quebec X-Men movies > Ontario X-Men movies. (Must be all that poutine: gravy is powerful) #Movies

Friday, December 11, 2015
With the deft efficiency of Snake Plissken I escape from Starbucks like it’s New York before Mariah’s Christmas anthem kicked in! #Smooth
(It’s Dec 11: so far I’ve avoided Do They Know, Last Christmas plus many more. Did catch some Boney M. but they’re always in style. Always!)

Thursday, December 10, 2015
Weeks after the #GodsofEgypt outrage for whitewashing but no outrage for #XMen: #Apocalypse bluewashing an Egyptian mutant?! #Fickle

Wednesday, December 9, 2015
Considering the temper tantrum #TorontoTaxis are having over #Uber they’re gonna be beyond P.O.ed when they discover self-driving cars.

Tuesday, December 8, 2015
You can tolerate nouns but always be wary of which verbs you accept. That’s my interjection into this mess… #Racism

Monday, December 7, 2015
Gimme Shelter! This Monday’s had me Under it’s Thumb like a Honky Tonk Woman. Hopefully Ruby Tuesday will bring Satisfaction.

Friday, December 4, 2015
Wish the #TTC replaces door chimes with aggressive rap lyrics to better manage obtuse strangers i.e “So come on fatso and just bust a move.”

Thursday, December 3, 2015
“Is there a superior way to poop?” Clickbait continues to desperately dig for new levels below rock bottom…

Wednesday, December 2, 2015
Since Hollywood’s Jumped The Shark why not create a #Commando tv show with an Alyssa Milano taking over for her Dad’s Black Ops missions?

Tuesday, December 1, 2015
As an Egyptian I’m not at all upset #GodsOfEgypt is whitewashed; I am upset they made a terrible movie: So Not Necessary. #OccupyHollywood

Monday, November 30, 2015
All I know about kitchens I learned from 80s sit coms! Thanks #FamilyTies.

Monday, November 30, 2015
You can chart all the great Art & literature alcohol and drugs have given us…what about cigars does their contribution count?

Friday, November 27, 2015
So…everybody knows the Chinese use the same word for crisis & opportunity but I just found out the Inuit use the same word for laughter & sex. Oh those whacky Inuit…wonder how much confusion this causes at their comedy clubs.

Thursday, November 26, 2015
One of the disappointing aspects of NBA games today is the tepid commercials from Apple, Google etc. so boring…ads should be hyper too.

Wednesday, November 25, 2015
Action movies determined to display feelings via emasculated men; while video games offering yummy mayhem hard as Alcatraz prisoners. Ok.

Tuesday, November 24, 2015
Bit surprising but I guess it’s not a stretch to cast Tom Cruise in Mummy: they’re deceased humans who do not decay: Cruise could go method!

Monday, November 23, 2015
They thought Under the Dome had IT and took it to Maximum Overdrive but it just ended up as Misery. #Rage

Friday, November 20, 2015
Today the most compelling characters are not the stars of their tv shows: Rufus Sewell a Nazi in High Castle and Ten is Purple Man. #Evil

Thursday, November 19, 2015
New Trailer From Michael Bay…the subject line of an email from Paramount. I’d enjoy seeing open-click through rates on that email. #Boom

Wednesday, November 18, 2015
Master of None quickly lives up to its name: CPR couldn’t give this sitcom life…risk free comedy softer than Cottonelle. #GoldenAgeofTV

Tuesday, November 17, 2015
Reason No, 37595 I’ll never, ever join Starfleet Academy: “They’ve adapted!!” Oh hell no, absolutely not, uh-uh. Cowards live longer.

Monday, November 16, 2015
Strange…College Station removed the ads: frames, posters every single aspect of the ads. Now how will I know which movies are coming soon?

Friday, November 13, 2015
Bonus: Nerds had their hands full! RT @ComplexMag: Pornhub reported a massive dip in traffic on the day Fallout 4 came out. https://t.co/RMcL1vhn98
Fascinating way to establish success by how Pornhub traffic dips: your success is not how I define my success. #Bidness Nov 14, 2015

Thursday, November 12, 2015
Clearly before twitter —> calling your band A Tribe Called Quest & your debut album People’s Instinctive Travels and the Paths of Rhythm.

Wednesday, November 11, 2015
Action Movie Pitch…Food Trucks, battling for turf…a dramatic a chase sequence: it’d be Chef meets Ronin.

Tuesday, November 10, 2015
2016 brings us Ouija 2, Purge 3 and Project XX (picking up from Project X). Plus a new Amityville. News that like winter chills the blood.

Monday, November 9, 2015
Remember Bass is Base? #OldManTweets #CanadianTweets

Saturday, November 7, 2015
I’d make a terrible spy…in College Park and I can’t remember the covert code to buy Coca-Cola. I’m buying Coke like a narc. #GinkgoBiloba
Clerk looks around before withdrawing a chilled Coke from the hidden stash. “Pepsi guy was just here.” He shrugs. This feels like Russia.

Friday, November 6, 2015
Imagine if you could get some of the #Clippers drunk…they’d finally be honest about Austin Rivers. #NBA

Thursday, November 5, 2015
On The Subway Beside a senior couple: he’s on the jumble while she eagerly shares “fun facts” she gleams from the Metro. We’re both annoyed.

Wednesday, November 4, 2015
There are 12 Canadians in the NBA…yet Canada is still a hockey country. How many brown people are signing up for acting and writing?

Tuesday, November 3, 2015
Really should cease using journalism to describe what happens online…better word is coverage. Coverage works because it has no standards.

Monday, November 2, 2015
Last night emptying my pockets daily souvenirs…poetry bits, song lyrics (Wild Belle!) & this strange observation: “Fuck Your Gestalt.” #What

Friday, October 30, 2015
We just gotta hang on till we all get self-driving cars. Then we can Frank the Tank every day of the week. #Lush

Thursday, October 29, 2015
Fox cancelled #MinorityReport…we all saw that one coming. #Rimshot

Wednesday, October 28, 2015
Never waste post-poop swagger on work; channel that euphoric energy into dynamic creativity, mindfulness or…ask a girl out. #ProTip

Tuesday, October 27, 2015
There is probably some bizarre mirror universe with a Good Guy Sammy…but in this world I am the villain! #CueEvilLaugh

Monday, October 26, 2015
Action Movie Pitch…Food Trucks, battling for turf…a dramatic a chase sequence: it’d be Chef meets Ronin.

Friday, October 23, 2015
Just learned the Inuit use the same word for laughter & sex. Those wacky Inuit… how much confusion does this cause at their comedy clubs?

Thursday, October 22, 2015
You can chart all the great Art & literature alcohol and drugs have given us…what about cigars does their contribution count?

Thursday, October 8, 2015
S’hard for Republicans to make a compelling case America was better before Obama just this week McDonald’s began offering All Day Breakfast.

Tuesday, October 6, 2015
On the subway platform fit girl dropped her purse. So many dudes instantly stopped; offering assistance…The System Works. #BennyHillSketch

Monday, October 5, 2015
I’d make a terrible spy…in College Park and I can’t remember the covert code to buy Coca-Cola. I’m buying Coke like a narc. #GinkgoBiloba

??day, October 2, 2015
In space…no one can hear you scream. And on a conference call no one can smell you fart. #SorryNotSorry

??day, October 1, 2015
Q: Can people tell the difference between confidence, cocky and arrogance?

Wednesday, September 30, 2015
If the boxes that temporarily trap mimes are by the corp that fashioned Wonder Woman’s jet then their market share shouldn’t be overlooked.

Tuesday, September 29, 2015
Q: Why do movies still use “based on a true story.” Hollywood barely gets science right…what would it matter if the story is true?

Monday, September 28, 2015
Those Luddites will thrive in the upcoming Zombie Apocalypse. All the iphone ever did was successfully make a generation soft.

Sept 27
Dyson Airblades are useless when it rains; no warmth to dry yourself. Worse they also curtail a lot of cinematic comedy washroom potential.

Sept 26
Ran into my friend and called him by his 5-9 nickname in front of his 9-5 comrades. This is why the worlds should never collide!

Sept 25
Insteada Transformers rides at theme parks; it’d be more fun to have the Mexican standoff from True Romance “ride!” http://owl.li/UYt69

Monday, September 14, 2015
(Damn but also…YES: dude on the subway had a black t-shirt…Count turned on Cookie Monster…plunged his fangs into his blue fuzzy neck)
If the Count successfully vampires Cookie Monster…with his unsatiated appetite we’re all doomed. Always Outnumbered But Never Outgunned!

Friday, September 11, 2015
Using google docs…crapload is one word and doesn’t upset the spell checker. #WritingProTip

Thursday, September 10, 2015
Telling me you saw Jake Gyllenhaal in Terroni ain’t a story. Telling me he was dining with Frank The Rabbit now that’s a fresh tale #TIFF15

Tuesday, September 08, 2015
never repair always replace.

Thursday, September 03, 2015
I trust spoilers I don’t trust marketing: no such thing as a bad spoiler.

Tuesday, August 25, 2015
Man…in 2000 we lost Rage Against the Machine just as W. Bush literally took power. In 2015 we lost Stewart as fools heat up Election 2016.

Monday, August 24, 2015
Remember if you’re taking selfies you ain’t famous… #No15Minutes

10 Jun 2015
Mr. T is an 80s human time capsule…I hope he still listens to music on cassette. Also Mr. T is excellent cereal.

9 Jun 2015
S’time to drop a nuclear bomb in the land of streaming music/movies; reset us back to the water cooler era.

May 20, 2015
A benevolent nerd needs to help a brother out and create a Ribfest app…locations, dates, sauces etc.call it BYOB: Bring Yo Own Bib. #Ribs

Tuesday, April 7, 2015
Alright. March Madness is over. Duke won, sweet. Now let’s put aside the games played by boys and get the NBA playoffs cooking like a TV chef.

Tuesday, March 31, 2015
All Day Breakfast is one of the sweetest English phrases up there with No Pants Weekdays and Free Love.

Thursday, February 5, 2015
Slick Idea…to start a digital agency called Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap. #Marketing

Wednesday, January 28, 2015
Meteorologists should be Glengarry Glen Rossed: every report should display a % of how accurate they are. Third prize is you’re fired. #ABC

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Also published on Medium.