Trial by Trailer: Including…Swamp Thing

Is this good?
Will this be good?
Every movie trailer answers or challenges those 2 questions. The ham-fisted rebuttal comes swiftly however: no you don’t need to always see a movie to know it’s tank.

Do you really need to sit through a Michael Bay Transformers movie to know for sure? Tank is Tank. And Fresh…well Fresh is always Fresh. I’m down like I’m Brown for that.

For the week of April 14-20, 2019 I cover:
Dark Phoenix
Swamp Thing
The Pickup Game
Fast & Furious Presents: Hobbs & Shaw
Child’s Play
Anna

Shall we begin?

Dark Phoenix (April 17)
Dark Phoenix is clearly an excellent opportunity for pre-MCU/pre-Disney X-Men movies to clean house. Kill off most of them…free up the actors/characters and then Kevin Feige can make a tea and get to work.

Sammy Verdict: Either way I’m in! #TeamRuckus Reporting for Duty!!

Swamp Thing (April 17)
YES!! DC Universe’s Swamp Thing! As I ain’t sitting through Stargirl (do that crap on your own time not mine!) S’got Sharknado guy & the Flashdance chick and s’directed by the Underworld dude. Eh…not the best crew.

Sammy Verdict: I’m so IN for this. Got a soft spot for Swampy.

The Pickup Game (April 18)
Playing at Hot Docs 2019: The Pickup Game documents the tales told by Neil Strauss (and the Will Smith movie Hitch). I’m assuming this’ll explore the dark side of pickup artists…less Luke Skywalkers and more Darth Vaders.

Sammy Verdict: I’m a romantic so I’ll check this out.

Fast & Furious Presents: Hobbs & Shaw (April 18)
Hobbs And Shaw is what we’re getting instead of Fast 9?! Playa Please. The Rock’s action credentials are faultier than San Andreas and Idris Elba makes more crap than Taco Bell.

Sammy Verdict: “Black Superman” even Velveeta would call that cheezy. Fine.

Child’s Play (April 18)
Child’s Play is the 8th movie!! Yet Pixar’s Toy Story rip off is 4 deep. And when the kid says “there’s something wrong with Chucky!!” he’s right: he’s voiced by pansy Luke Skywalker not Brad Dourif.

Sammy Verdict: Hard pass on all this Chuck E. Cheese!

Anna (April 18)
Why do they keep movies like Anna? Lucy, Atomic Blonde, Red Sparrow, Æon Flux, Salt all do poorly at the box office because they’re made poorly. (Salt wasn’t that bad…).

Sammy Verdict: Eh…I’ll watch 10 minutes on Netflix.

-28-

Listen to My Summer Lair @ W • T • F


Also published on Medium.

Comments are closed.

Posts, blog and musings.
Events, gigs and appearances.
News

bookcover

"Red Letter Nights"
by Sammy Younan is available!

 

Click here for to enjoy a yummy sample...