Is this good?
Will this be good?
Every movie trailer answers or challenges those 2 questions. The ham-fisted rebuttal comes swiftly however: no you don’t need to always see a movie to know it’s tank.

Do you really need to sit through a Michael Bay Transformers movie to know for sure? Tank is Tank. And Fresh…well Fresh is always Fresh. I’m down like I’m Brown for that.

For the week of April 28-May 4, 2019 I cover:
Sonic The Hedgehog
Good Sam
Blinded By The Light
We Have Always Lived in the Castle
The Intruder
Crawl

Shall we begin?

Sonic The Hedgehog (April 30)
That awful Sonic The Hedgehog trailer curiously employs Coolio’s Gangsta’s Paradise a song that accurately ends with:

“Tell me why are we so blind to see
That the ones we hurt are you and me?” Yup.

Sammy Verdict: 100% OUT. I don’t want this in my life.
**Trailer Removed due to studio incompetence and Twitter backlash.**

Good Sam (May 1)
The irony of a movie about people doing good work and yet being in this Lifetime quality movie. This’ll kill in the Bible Belt. 100%. May 16TH only on Netflix!

Sammy Verdict: Hard Pass: I’m Sam and I’m good without this.

Blinded By The Light (May 3)
I can’t stand this genre…Nowhere Boy? Yesterday? The latest contribution is Blinded By The Light in theaters August 14. No thanks. Not even on an airplane.

Sammy Verdict: I ain’t got a “Hungry Heart” for this.

We Have Always Lived in the Castle (May 3)
Alexandra “Witness The Fitness” Daddario and Sebastian Stan with both his arms are in We Have Always Lived in the Castle another Shirley Jackson adaptation.

Sammy Verdict: Looks decent…never read the book so I’m in! Out May 17, 2019.

The Intruder (May 3)
Wow…so awful. Great Balls of Fire! Why Dennis Quaid why?! I didn’t see Breaking In last year’s Crap Fest but I did see 1990’s Pacific Heights with Michael Keaton? So yeah I’m out.

Sammy Verdict: No need to sit through The Intruder trust me I won’t set off Intruder Alert:Hard Pass.

Crawl (May 3)
Oh! I’ve sat through Anaconda and James Cameron’s Piranha (Piranha II: The Spawning!!) so I won’t pay money for Crawl (in theatres July 12) but the second it’s on Netflix I’ll mash it up.

Sammy Verdict: I sat through Hurricane Heist and Geostorm so it’s too late to take a stand now.

-28-

Listen to My Summer Lair @ W • T • F

Also published on Medium.