Prologue:
This tale occurred in June 2006 while I was working at a University. You see every graduation, would be held on immaculate grass, with ice cream sandwiches for the happy educated families following the diploma ceremony. Not one to let a sweet Summer day pass–especially with free ice cream, yo–I’d leave my desk to join the festivities. Hey your company has perks these were my perks.

It Begins…
I accidentally jostled a Dad as I happily exited the food line with my ice cream loot. Turning to apologize I recognized I was talking to David Cronenberg!

Apparently one of his kids was graduating that day (the graduating programs were film, radio, television and journalism). Dressed like every other Dad, clean button shirt, camera around his neck and a wide proud pappa smile.

(No video camera but I can’t help but think it’d be funny to have him “direct” a graduation ceremony, make it all dark like his movies and I dunno how but I’m sure he’ll be able to sneak in a bizarre sex scene).

After I mumbled my apology which he accepted I said: “Cronenberg, right?” He smiled and nodded yes. Now here’s the thing…I don’t like Cronenberg! I’ll give you The Fly, maybe Scanners on a good day, otherwise dude has an apartment in Crap City.

But his kid’s graduation is not exactly the place to say you suck. So instead I asked him about, at that time, an Andy Warhol exhibit he was curating at the AGO (it was coming up and wasn’t open to the public yet).

We found mutual ground with Warhol. As we discussed art and darkness in art I ate my ice cream booty. The Sunshine, the happy setting of the convocation, the good discussion all put me in a relaxed mood.

Too relaxed. So when his wife came to pull him away, with that annoyed expression meant to remind he him that today “he is supposed to be off duty” he said “I have to go, nice meeting you.” And that’s when I responded: “Cool: Smell Ya Later.”

He froze. Then I froze. Smell Ya Later that’s a Kevin Smith thing. Cronenberg…meh, not so much. He adjusted his camera around his neck and walked away. Whatever dude: I can’t stand eXistenZ so consider yourself served.

-28-

Also published on Medium.