Continued from In Case of Apocalypse…Part I…

Mad Max Apocalypse: I’m utterly screwed. Can’t ride a motorcycle, suck at bartering and finally I’m not mechanical or handy. I got city hands! And though I’d never say so in front of girls I don’t look cool wearing an eyepatch (plus it makes navigating stairs difficult).

If our government and society crumbles into fierce renegades and blistering lawlessness I’m just gonna be another causality. It’s a fate I bravely accept. I hope I get licked early: I’ve no desire to be ambushed by bored bloodthirsty marauders on a highway littered with burnt out cars.

(Plan Problem: I don’t want to become a human piñata!)

Atlantis Apocalypse: Can’t fight a giant tidal wave. Nor rampaging Atlantean warriors. I am not even gonna try. Simply make a spot of tea and read comic books until the seas violently claim back the land. You guys can fight if you want. Good luck, lemme know it turns out.

(Plan Problem: My comic books lose their value when they get wet. Sigh…)

Alien Apocalypse: I’m talking like Independence Day…aliens coming to mash humanity on its nose. What chance do we have against aliens who have mastered space travel, all kinds of crazy technology and posses a black heart? Absolutely none. However like Independence Day I’d team up with Jeff Goldblum and take on the aliens. Battling back an alien invasion should impress women, get my face on a stamp and hopefully a ton of free stuff from Sky Mall. I see no disadvantages to this plan.

(Plan Problem:None!)

Bonus: Not an Apocalypse but if the doctor confirms I got some life ending disease, say one of those modern cancers then I come home and write a will. Then I take all of my money, get a sweet boat and ride that sucker directly into the Bermuda Triangle. Full steam ahead. No clue what’s on the other side but I hope Amelia Earhart is waiting for me.

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Also published on Medium.